ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
