jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
