I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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