I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
