she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
