Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
