We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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