tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
