In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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