I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
