Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
