last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize