I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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