Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
