I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
