How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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