Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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