you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
