Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
