we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dear god my vagina.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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