i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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