fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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