i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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