I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
