Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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