I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
