just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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