are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
