I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
