sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
