I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
