Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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