Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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