We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
