If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
