who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
