i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
