Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
