So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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