I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Couch. On fire.
Randomize