so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
