So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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