my phone needs a breathalizer
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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