I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize