my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
