Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
