Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
