Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
