i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
