i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
