the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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