So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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