i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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