Its about making memories worth repressing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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