Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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