This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
