The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
