I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
