I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize