I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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