My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
