btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
