i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were trust falling into bushes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
