This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
