I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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