So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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